Censorship is an insult to our intelligence!

Living in this roller coaster world, which there’s a chance of every single moment portrays a jumble of different momentous events brings us to can never erase what have been cursed upon us every timid hours. Realizing anger is just one letter short to danger I seldom tells me that I should not put it as an upfront option every time difficulties comes right to my face. I seldom choose what people around the world put on a term ‘Cool it’ which makes me calm and aware of what I can do to enhance my skills to dissolve the matter arise as cool as I can be.

But, as I being sent to this planet being breed as a ‘just me’, there’s a chance that sometimes my reaction are beyond what I can do to pursue the calmness. Luckily, every time it happens I can prolly keep it to myself and was not being published obviously to others. That makes me wonder sometimes to what extent I can help myself to keep it as low as I wish. I was the one hoping in my every breath that I would never burst it to the person that have holds my entire lame heart to my highest satisfaction and appreciation.

When I was a kid, I used to be a very huge boy; as huge as my ambition. All the while when I live with my huge size body, I used to be humiliated, discarded, being left out, discriminate, scolded, and even being beaten by those around me who portrays themselves as friends. They used my size as an excuse to curse me to live a horrible live and left me with a very low self esteem to carry on. Even some of my teachers back then are on their side punishing me for something I didn’t do. I used to be caned because I punch the person who spilt right to my face and for standing up for my self.

When I got home from school is another story. I live in a little family consist of four members which is my parents, my younger brother and me. Living with them back then, I always being nagged, scolded and punished by many issues that in my opinion is not relevant for me to being nagged and scolded of. When I stand and speak out my points to explain, they raised another issue which brings me to a conclusion that I should stop standing up for my self and just listen to whatever they send my way. I live in a very stressful environment each passing days having to face all this matters and realizing the fact that I don’t even have anyone to share.

Later come boarding school phase, here I have to be aware every single moment as I cant simply trust nobody because its hard to differentiate between a friend and an enemy inside. Everyone have their own plans to survive and can simply use anyone for their own agenda. Realizing that I was far away from home and have nobody to rely on, I try to make some friends which in the end turned out to be a backstabber. They use me as to achieve their goals and win their so called glory at that particular time. Here I met a girl which I get emotionally in touch for almost six years and end up realizing myself being shitted as she has someone else while I’m dying trying to keep the flame on between us all the while.

So, here I am making my way to no where. Thanks for reading, just wanna share. To a greater extent than not… Whatever!!!